Today after a bit of personal turmoil, I went out for a walk to clear my head. Of course, today would be a day where it's freezing out, but all the better to get some fresh air, right? Luckily for me there's a Peet's coffee shop about 10 min walk from my place, so of course that's where I headed straight away. I ordered my drink and sat down in a corner to try to organize my thoughts. That's when I realized that this was the first time in years- maybe since college (?) that I had been to a coffee shop by myself. And in college, it was always to study. I'm not sure I ever went somewhere by myself purely to decompress. I cranked up my music, listening to the loud emo music from my high school days and just sat there, drinking my coffee, watching the few people walk by. 

And even now, I'm sitting in my comfy chair that I never sit in because I'm always on my couch, watching the sunset as I type. I never really watched the sun go down...usually I'm at work where there are no windows, or too busy with something else to really watch it. The view from my place- an actually pretty view of the Chicago skyline- largely goes unnoticed, wasted. But now as I sit here, feeling sorry for myself, and trying to pick myself up, I can finally appreciate all that I've paid for, and not just in terms of apartment costs. 

I've always been hard on myself, and that's something that is harder than I would've imagined to admit. Self-confidence as a new physician, as a girlfriend, as a person in general has really hit an all-time low. It's always interesting to step back and imagine what I would say to myself if I was a patient or a friend. Someone told me once in a more eloquent fashion that we tend to be meanest to ourselves. That we should treat ourselves just like we would treat a friend. It's easier said than done. But no time like the present to start trying, right?