Monday, May 12, 2014

Are you competent enough to be a doctor?

Today I took yet another exam, though one of a different nature. As a medical student, you have to be able to talk to and counsel patients in addition to the typical "let's come up with a diagnosis and figure out what the heck's wrong with you." It's officially tested with standardized patients, so our school helps us prepare for it with a little mini half day exam of their own. It's supposed to help us get ready for said exam but also for themselves to make sure we're competent. Again, makes sense. But they make it harder than the real thing, and so in a way this makes it even more stressful. Am I competent enough to become a doctor in a mere year?I ask myself that often, and honestly I don't know. I swing back and forth on that. But I do hope that at least come August, I am good enough to pass the exam for real.

So long story short, I took mine today (the practice exam needed to pass third year of school) and am have a serious fear I failed said practice exam. Having only 15 minutes to talk to, examine and counsel the patient was just not enough time for me to organize my thoughts and come up with a diagnosis. I normally take forever to at least come up with a differential diagnosis, let alone figure out what tests to order, so this was a little rough. What's the most frustrating is that, as a naturally anxious stressed out person, listening to people discussing the exam afterwards is even more stressful. Overhearing students asking what they thought the diagnoses were and whether you elicited some of the secret history makes me panic, especially when I missed doing some of those things and forgetting to ask the obvious questions. It sends my nerves into overdrive. I was so nervous this morning I almost passed out.

I have to say though, one of the nice things about taking the exam today was having my friend take it with me. He drove us up there, which was good because after the adrenaline rush wore off, I felt completely worn out and driving home would've been painful, if not bordering on dangerous. He was also there with a hug and a smile, and helped (at least temporarily) take the panicky edge off, because I actually came out of the exam feeling ok, and it wasn't until listening to other people recapping with each other that I realized truthfully how much I had missed. Sometimes it truly amazes me how much friends and a hug (ok, and a beer) can help get you through things. It's its own kind of medicine.

No comments: