Yesterday was Match Day for all fourth year medical students across the nation. It's an exciting event: everyone tears open their envelopes, frantically reading the paper inside which will tell you your future- where you will spend the next 3-5 years and in what specialty.
I'm proud to say one of my best friends matched to the place she wanted and I'm so happy for her. Most of the other M4s I have met here on rotations also successfully matched as well, and it's heartening to see. Even one couple that did not couples match ended up miraculously in the same place. I think it's fate. And that's also encouraging to see. Not that I really want to get ahead of myself as I tend to do quite often, but the possibility is there that I would be in a similar position- matching without couples matching and keeping fingers crossed. But who knows what will happen in a year.
Everyone's all excited to match in a year, but honestly for me, it's quickly becoming a huge source of anxiety. My exam score is not where it should be and it's actually looking like it may limit where I want to apply, which is devastating because some of them were places I really wanted to go. I keep telling myself I will definitely match, and while I feel like I should be able to, I don't know if I'll be able to go where I want. And if I do, will I match to the same location as my friends? It's a little daunting, and right now I don't really know much of anything about applying for next year and even how to set up my fourth year schedule. I think I've been almost blindly applying for electives with only a vague plan and keeping my fingers crossed. Unfortunately I think I'm pretty lucky overall, but sometimes for the big things I want it doesn't always come through for me. My friend on the other hand, says that he's really lucky when it counts for the big things, and lucky pretty much all other times. I think that's pretty awesome though, bely cause for serious things like this, a little luck on your side never hurt.
I'm truly hoping I can relax a little and keep things under control because right now there's a lot of things to be done: find a new place and clean/move out and into said new place, apply for electives, apply for residency, buy my books, get all my paperwork done....ugh. And the hilarious but sad thing about just having finished psychiatry is that it makes me feel like I've got personality disorders or a plethora of anxiety or panic disorders. Realistically I know it's not true, but with every decision or upsetting emotion I feel I think- do I need a benzo? Or SSRI? And then the brain in me cringes at my med school hypochondriasis.
Match day in T-363 days. And then at least one chapter of worrying can close before an entirely new one opens.
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