The silver linings

I think I had my first panic attack today. Sudden onset, check. Panicked gulps of air and hyperventilating to the point of almost dizziness, check. Tachycardia, check. From a medical student standpoint, it would have been kind of interesting to see my blood gases and see if had respiratory alkalosis. But enough of that. I’ve got my awesome Tension Tamer tea and some new music on, and the fogginess has started to subside. I'm reminded of a scene from an episode of the Big Bang Theory where Leonard starts having a panic attack when he's about to go on a date with Penny, and Sheldon's solution offered to him, which was simply, calm down. *Sigh* If only ordering yourself to do so was effective. It’s been a little rough lately, but today I think I’ve started to partake in some long overdue cleansing and purging of things that have been a little too toxic in my life. And I’m getting back to what I love, starting with green tea and music, enjoying new experiences with friends (hello comedy show and Xbox Zumba!), things I’ve been too “busy” to enjoy. I realized how little music I’ve listened to since the summer. Music used to be what got me through everything, but besides the now very rare classical music on Pandora while studying, I really haven’t listened to much of anything. I think now is the time to put some new tunes on my phone and start unearthing iTunes. I can't wait for the weather to turn warmer so I can start going out more.

But enough of that. What I really want to remember is the power of positive thinking. OB-GYN was a rough start and I have to admit I was feeling pretty defeated. Every day I felt like I had at least one major slip up or looked incredibly stupid. I was bested by a pair of suture scissors in the OR. Dropped part of a table on my foot. But I read an article about people who would post things they were grateful for every day. And how things turned around. I thought about doing that on this blog, maybe not every day but at least internally keep a record. And to be honest, I think it’s helping. Thinking about the good things about all my mishaps has been keeping me sane, and more importantly, happy. I’ve learned a lot. I may have dropped the table, but somehow spared hurting my foot in any way, which I think was a miracle. I’ve finally been able to answer some questions during the rotation. I am proud to say I delivered a baby (with help, of course). And even with today, I think freaking out has given me the push I needed to clear up some space. Woohoo for looking for the silver linings.

Listening to New Found Glory right now is really perking up my mood right now, just gotta say. Man that band is old.