On a Surgery High

It's almost 9, and I should technically be sleeping now (or very soon) to get up before 4, but I'm on such a high right now. It's been one of the few moments this school year where I really, truly felt like I was on my way to becoming a doctor. Most of the time I've been in a overwhelmed, bewildered state rushing around but today I could (mostly) correctly figure out who to take care of my patient post-operatively and even got to close my first incision thanks to an amazingly kind surgeon.

Surgery is a very intense 8 weeks, and I've heard enough horror stories to be wary about the rotation before it even began. I have to say that after 5 weeks it hasn't quite been as bad as I expected. I daresay I've even enjoyed it. But one of the more frustrating things about this rotation is the lack of hands on experience you get. During my first four weeks, "scrubbing in" to surgeries was little more than standing a little closer to the patient table, and although I didn't have to do any heavy lifting like I expected, it was not exactly what I call interesting, although I did work with some nice and awesome physicians (for the most part). But after four weeks of pediatrics and little kids, I was looking to actually do more, even if it meant achy arms from holding abdomens open. So far however, I have still been doing little. My arms are thankful for sure, but I had to admit, terrified as I am of doing things wrong, I was looking forward to suturing more and mastering the dreadful subcuticular stitch. 

I have the "left-handed curse" as one attending physician told me as I attempted to stitch for the first time before leaving me at the table very panicked. Although I had some help by a resident physician, I was still pretty unsuccessful, only managing to get one stitch completed. Today though, I was at the end of the day and we had wrapped up the surgeries for our team. But one kindly, elderly plastic surgeon was there to finish up the case (a breast mastectomy) to do some reconstruction, and since I was only observing the first part, he invited me to help him out. There's no way to deny a physician, so I agreed to scrub in even though I knew it would mean a very late day when I should have been getting out early, but he was by far the nicest surgeon I had encountered thus far. And I was rewarded with my first successful subcuticular stitch closure. It's left me with such a high and sense of pride. It's such a little thing, but having someone so patient and encouraging teaching me today made me feel like I was doing something right and actually well for a change. It really reminds me of Grey's Anatomy, especially because it's surgery. I only watched the first couple seasons before it turned into soap opera craziness, but every time I'm running to catch up with my friends at the end of the day in my white coat or I'm left with such a high after a success or watching a crazy surgery like a whipple, I can't help but feel like I'm living the show- though thankfully without the overly excessive drama and sex. It's pretty cool.

On a side note, the physician asked me today if my mom was a "tiger mom" because I said she forced me to learn how to use chopsticks right handed even though I do everything else left handed. It was quite hilarious. Even though my mom was strict about learning my math and academics, she never forced us to learn piano and violin and learn three languages. I can't even understand Chinese. Thus I'm thinking there's no way my mom would qualify. I think my mom would crack up if I told her that of all the things she did or didn't do for me and my sister, chopsticks is what was used to label her a tiger mom :)

The only sad thing about the excitingness of surgery is the insanely long hours, and having to get up when some people are just going to sleep. Which means unless I want to fall asleep at the table tomorrow, the blogging's going to have to come to an end until the next surgery rush- which will probably come from a coincidental sugar rush from scarfing as much food as I can before surgery. Goodnight world!