Please don't pass out....

I think my goal for the next four weeks--actually, make that twelve--is going to be to not pass out. It's probably going to be a constant silent chant for me...please don't pass out, please don't pass out, please don't pass out...Emergency medicine started yesterday, and four weeks of that combined with a subsequent eight long weeks of surgery is going to make for a hectic and probably overwhelming and slightly gory three months. 

I am happy to say I survived shift 1 of 16 with minimal damage, although I didn't do any of the more scary procedures. I didn't think I had a problem with blood, but my aversion to do wound care, suturing, blood draws and IVs for the time being is proving otherwise. Weirdo that I am, I was actually fine with doing the rectal exam. Could also be that it takes a good 5 seconds, whereas I feel like suturing would probably take at least a half hour, probably with some more silent panic involved. Just watching a video on wound care was enough to make me feel slightly sick...those open wounds seemed crazy gruesome to me. I guess a life in the emergency department is just not for me. Not that I expected it to be. I'm already missing the organized and not-nearly-as-hectic life of neurology, extended work hours and all.

I'm not sure what it is about me, but my ability to overcome my shyness and adapt quickly to situations is just not readily available yet. Yesterday we had orientation and of course, I was one of the unlucky two to start a shift an hour after we ended. I felt so overwhelmed 30 min in, that I probably looked really rude as I forgot to introduce myself to any of the nurses. Luckily though I did at least remember the attending. 

Shift two starts in 11 hours, let's hope my confidence has increased slightly since yesterday so I can knock more procedures off my list. And let's keep the passing out to a minimum. Or even better, to zero.