Lost

So although I should really be reading Ulysses, I can't focus much on it. The view from my window, although most of it is really a black oblivion of a brick wall, is actually quite nice. I ccan see the nice open area between building A and B of Bear Creek. It's kind of weird though, with my desk lamp on, because it's acting as a very good mirror, which kind of creeps me out a little.

It's very weird to be back as a sophomore, and I still feel a little lost. Not getting lost around campus like last year, but a little lost inside myself, I guess. I never was very good at adapting, it always took me a while to let things sink in. I was so overwhelmed today, what with the usual parental yelling and associated crying last night about how I should be studying all the time and not socializing, or 'doing sex' or, the lastest, cooking and cleaning my apartment. Plus I almost had the scare of having to give a lab presentation Thursday which I found out was supposed to be like a 30 minute thing and I actually need to prepare slides and shit for, but now, things are good. Presentation postponed, homework and reading done, now I'm just trying to get ahead in English cuz Ulysses is over 600 freaking pages, and I need to finish it for next Friday apparently. But I'm getting back into the studying thing, although I know things will drastically pick up next week, with the research work starting up again, and all the homework starting.
Time always seems to move so slow at the beginning of each semester, but then towards the end and come midterms, seems to move so fast. I'm kind of hoping it'll be the same this year.
It's just weird this year, having to wait to take the bus to classes, meaning I have to leave earlier now, and having to clean and cook. I have to watch who I hang out with, and who I don't. It's just hard to rebalance everything again, now with a few extra additions to my plate. Not that I don't want the new things. It's just different.
Today when Lei, Jessica and I were out at Target, these weird creepy middle-aged white guys turned around and said that we were beautiful, and kept turning to look at us as we were in the parking lot. It was soo odd. I guess I'm not used to that kind of thing. It's just weird, that it's always old people who say that to younger girls, but never guys our own age. Why is that?

Shuffle

I've said this before, but I think that putting your ipod on shuffle sometimes is just what you need to wake you up. Yesterday afternoon I had some mellow Celtic woman song immediately followed by Usher's Yeah. I like the randomness of it all. ANd it makes me appreciate the music I've forgotten.
It makes me think of why I put those songs on my ipod. And helps remember bits of who I am, and who I was back then when I first got my mini. I mean, I've always thought I haven't changed much. In looks or in personality. But when I was looking at my school IDs yesterday, I realized that somewhere between middle school and high school I actually seem like my looks changed a lot. From a kid to an actual teenager. And even in high school, and now, I've still got the same face, the same pointed chin and the same un-Asian eyes, but somehow I've changed slightly every year. And I guess that's true for my personality too. I've been shuffling the cards slightly every once in a while. I've kept my framework but I think I'm a better person now. Or at least happier. But I think what it really is is that I've finally become mature enough to laugh at myself. Which I do a lot now, cuz I say and do the weirdest things a lot. I'm happy to say that maybe I've finally dealt myself the right cards

Can you get dehydrated by crying too much? Just a thought.